Advice for First Timers

My long term partner and I have been sharing curiousity about the lifestyle for some time. We've discussed that going on a vacation where we were able to relax, indulge in our voyeuristic side and truly see of this was something we wanted to indulge in was much preferable over going to a local club where we'd feel rushed. We've read a lot of reviews and articles from first timers who all seemed to love getting involved in varying degrees for their first encounter and most say a vacation was the way to go. I'm comfortable in what I've read about places like Desires where you won't feel pressured in to do anything you're not ready for; but, there's other questions, that I'm sure many have had, that don't seem to be addressed, at least not flushed out fully.

Both my partner and I have don't really know how we'd react IN the situation and if jealousy would come in to play and how to deal with it. I'm sure there have been some in the heat of the moment where things seemed great, but afterwards how do couple new (or veterans if they experience this still) to this handle any feelings of jealousy? We both know this is an exercise in trust in the other person and enjoying the experience for what it is, but there has to be people out there that have experienced second thoughts and jealous AFTERWARDS. We just want to go in to this with some tips of how to handle moments like that if it comes up. Also, if you're in the moment and one partner all of sudden just isn't ok with things anymore, how would you voice that without making EVERYONE feel lousy?

Hey there Omea, that’s a great lifestyle question! Trust is the single most important thing Imho. As far as jealousy speaking for myself I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel it when we first got into the lifestyle, now there is none whatsoever we both just have a great time when we play with others. If you guys are with another couple and at anytime either of you are uncomfortable you just have to say so and that’s it. Start slow and ease into the lifestyle. You shouldn’t feel pressured no matter where you guys go. Just my 2 cents A&L

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Originally Posted by Desirecouple329

Hey there Omea, that’s a great lifestyle question! Trust is the single most important thing Imho. As far as jealousy speaking for myself I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel it when we first got into the lifestyle, now there is none whatsoever we both just have a great time when we play with others. If you guys are with another couple and at anytime either of you are uncomfortable you just have to say so and that’s it. Start slow and ease into the lifestyle. You shouldn’t feel pressured no matter where you guys go. Just my 2 cents A&L

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Thanks Desirecouple239. Yes, trust is the most important thing in most cases. How did you handle your jealousy when it flared up so it was productive rather than destructive?

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Originally Posted by Omea

Thanks Desirecouple239. Yes, trust is the most important thing in most cases. How did you handle your jealousy when it flared up so it was productive rather than destructive?

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Honestly I kind of just let it pass and didn’t say anything. It never became an issue after the first time or two after we played. I just thought to myself it’s silly to be jealous over us playing...A&L

If you’re feeling something that resembles jealousy, try to be honest with yourself about what the feeling really is. Do you feel threatened personally? Do you feel that your relationship is in danger? Is it FOMO? Different feelings call for different responses.

Most of the time (in fact, all of the times I can remember specifically), what felt to me like jealousy was really just envy that she was having an experience with someone else that I wanted to have with her but for some reason couldn’t. The way I dealt with it was to realize—and remind myself often—that her not getting what she wants doesn’t help me to get what I want.

What is FOMO?

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Originally Posted by JuicyLucie

What is FOMO?

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Sorry. It’s Fear Of Missing Out.

Thanks for the insight JonFrmBklyn. Gives me something to think about. I have to admit I had to look up FOMO as well.