General Stuff:
1- We are native NYC residents; Jetblue was a pleasure over the other airlines, got us in early both ways
2- Customs going was a breeze, coming home we were throughly searched in Jamaica 4 times, JFK was a breeze
3- no issues with the Kingston stuff, hotel security (aka the sex police) were minding their place in the beginning and end of trip; midweek though they were intrusive. This was our second Jamaica trip, and we still don't understand why every resort hires security that watches the guests so much more than who comes and goes from the property. Considering that the same company serves all the coastal resorts we are pretty sure they are connected to the regular police, and the resorts have no choice and are told they must use them. If Jamaica ever wants to become a premier player in the resort game they have to fix this. Midweek it felt creepy being watched, and it always keeps it in your mind that "something" is not right.
4- We had a blackout Wednesday night, and no air conditioning for 24 hours in most of the quad. The unit in our room burned out, and we had to be pushy to get a new room with air. If we had not been politely aggressive the resort probably would have left us without air for the last few days. This is another thing Jamaica needs to change: while the bartenders, maids etc. range from so-so to terrific, the management seems to be clueless when it comes to helping their guests. Don't push and you get zero help; push too hard and you get zero.
5- Don't think it is tips included, we gave out about $200 in tips, some asked aggressively with a hostile attitude, some made it clear with signs, body language etc, some never broached the topic.
6- Some of the staff did not hide their "interaction" with certain guests. I am not talking about the type of interaction that one appreciates. Respect to Shamisa (nude pool bar night shift), she always had the rum cream at the ready to pour over nekkid girls while I was "working". If you go soon ask her about Chris from NY, she might tell you the story. And if the girl from St.Louis who was wearing the Tiara, and whose Birthday it was on 6/5 (you had a tattoo of script book writing on your left ribcage) is reading this, please contact us here on the BB; we need to keep in touch. There was one lifeguard who spent much of his work time in a particular room with 3 guests. There was also one bartender who "did" a guest out in the open in the quad one evening. Certain staff members also spent a lot of their time qualifying and hitting on all of the girls. We understand that there is a certain segment of female guests that go to Jamaica to sample the local "flavor" , but most couples do not, and we would have appreciated a little bit less obvious interaction.
7- Big ups, and maximum respect to Kati and Clayton at the Quad bar: they let me DJ evryday at the bar, and by day 2 we had the Quad pool filled up and rocking, plus they are great with the guests. Also Remone, nice guy. Make sure to find John at the grill at the nude pool for lunch at least a couple times. John takes more pride and care with his work than anyone you will ever meet; and he is a master of the grill. DO NOT go home without trying his homemade tortillas and grilled chicken quesadillas. Pure heaven. DO NOT miss a chance at trying either a dirty banana, miami vice or hummigbird. I am not a rum drinker, but I lost count of the Dirty Bananas at 45! Also as stated before Shamisa at the nude pool at night is great.
8-Alcohol: a mix of name and stock. Appleton is the rum, tequila no name, bourbon was either missing or top shelf (Jim Beam). Scotch was no name, but Barbie and her husband (Hello Miami!) through great effort got a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black to Quad pool bar. Our group had a constant battle keeping red and white wine, as well as champagne at the bars; and they are agents who have been there more times than you could count.
9- "Other stuff": readily available at the resort, don't bother on the way there, and NEVER at the airport. Prices were equivalent to home, pipes, grinders, papers and lighters in the gift shop, but overpriced. Quality was from steady mild to intense, pick your poison. No one there ever heard of a bong. In your room no problems mon, with discretion at the pool bars. We never touch it, but were offered E and "other stuff" to keep you up all night. I wouldn't recommend that.
10- Occupancy: Days 1-3 and 6-7 about 50%, days 4 & 5 about 30%. Prude side pretty much empty, Quad pretty good, we were in the quad and it was decent. Nude pool at night good except midweek.
11- Theme nights: participation about 25%, not like it used to be. It was also too hot to be in costume all night. Current schedule is as follows if you plan to participate:
Sun:pimp and ho, Mon:pirate and wench (good participation) Tue:pajama night Wed:fetish (best participation) Thur: Toga (good participation) Fri: Jamaican colors Sat:glitter/shimmer
12- PDA's: depends on the day and the crowd. In order of days there: Sat was WILD (my fault, I was in the middle of it and started it, after Connie pimped me out) Sun: fairly wild, again my fault. Mon: wild, again my fault (Miami & Boston thanks for the applause). The rest of the week was up and down from zero to mild, with the exception of the one day crazy asian girl, just watched the show.
13- go online, or to Walmart or Target and bring Bubba Kegs, great if you want a large cold drink on hand at all times. All resort drinks are about 3 oz. Some filled theirs with beer, soda or alcohol, we kept ours filled with ice water, keep drinking water in between drinks to stay hydrated and avoid hangovers.
14- FOOD: buffet was good to very good, everyday for all meals. Sit down restaurants ranged from good to very good, portions small to moderate. Grill at nude pool excellent. We didn't sleep much, too busy partying. Breakfast buffet opens 7:30 am and closes at 9:30am. Lunch buffet opens 12-3. Nude grill open 12noon to 5pm. Dinner buffet opens 7:30pm and closes 10pm. Partial buffet open till 3am for snacks. We3 learned a great secret: we missed lunch 3 times (liquid lunch) and we had the munchies bad one night and missed the snack buffet. After 3am go to the front desk and ask security for a snack. The restaurant makes wrapped plates with sandwiches, cookies and crackers. It saved us one late night. This is another good reason for the Bubba Kegs with water, late night drink in your room.
15- Weather: 90-95 days, 75-82 nights. Humidity was between humid, very humid and intensely humid. We came home with about 50 mosquito bites total. A/C is not up to snuff overall. Everything always feels damp. The night without made our tile floor dangerous. Everything was dripping with water.
16- Groups and People: THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: H2 and H3 are what you and the other people make of it. We had a great mix at the beginning and end, midweek was very quiet. It helps if you are outgoing and friendly. GO WITH A GROUP!!!! We went with Wild Women out of Las Vegas and WE WOULD NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GO WITH THEM AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were "unofficially" dismissed from the group after the obligatory cocktail party. While we are a decent looking couple, my wife is pail (Scottish genes don't allow for a tan) and she is chubby. It was "obvious" she didn't meet their standards. While we never expected anyone to "play" with us due to being in the group, we did NOT expect common courtesy and decency to go out the door too.
We can say that we we had as much or more "fun" and fun they most of that group did. Ask about Chris from NY if you are there soon, we won't give out details, but there were many witnesses on the staff and guests that can fill you in.
We were originally going to go with Ann, The Travel Slut, and Krewe De Krazy. We were late in booking, so we didn't book through her, but knew that the Krewe would be there at the same time. By first light of day 2 we were welcomed into the group with open arms. By the end of the trip I was appointed VP of admissions to the group, came up with the official pledge that must be taken by all to join, and we made lifelong friends that we cherish. Let us say we are lifelong NY'ers (from the city)and we are jaded, and not easily impressed. We are well travelled, and thought we had seen it all. We can tell you that at 45 years old we cannot remember ever meeting a group people that we admire so much, that we fell in love with, who make our hearts ache at not being able to see them everyday as Krewe De Krazy. It felt like we met our friend soul mates. Ann & Charlie are perhaps the most impressive couple we have ever met. If all people were like them the world would be a better place. If I were an orphan I would want them to adopt me. So to Ann (our Empress), Charlie (our Emperor and head of State Security), Bruce (our Dear Mayor McBoob), Connie (Minister of laughter and Balls) (and MY pimp!), Martin (my co VP of orgasms and g-spotting), Michelle (secretary of Female Hotness) and all the group members: WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU ALL SO MUCH, doesn't cover it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
