I know some folks like to read long trip reports, and some don’t, so just as a warning: this is a long one.
We just returned from Hedo, and figured a trip report is in order while the memories are still fresh. (At least, the memories I can remember.) We took our first trip to a clothing optional resort (Desire) two years ago during our anniversary, and repeated the trip last November as well. But this year, we wanted to try something different. We had heard so many conflicting reports about Hedo that we decided to experience it firsthand and form our own opinions.
It is difficult not to compare Hedo to Desire, so rather than fight it, I’ll make a direct comparison for the benefit of those who haven’t visited both resorts. Before I do, though, a few disclaimers. I know that some of the people on this board love Hedo so much they hate to read anything negative about the resort. But these are simply my opinions and observations, and I’m providing these opinions for the benefit of the people who were in our position a few months ago, waffling over whether or not to give Hedo a try. I also want to make it clear that we had a BLAST this past week. It was one of the best vacations we’ve ever had, and one we will never forget.
Okay, disclaimers out of the way. Onto the comparisons.
GETTING TO THE RESORT
Getting to Desire is relatively painless for us, as there are several direct flights from Boston to Cancun. It is about a 5-6 hour plane ride, followed by a short 20-minute car ride to the resort.
Traveling to Jamaica was extremely tiring, as it took 12-14 hours for us each way. And the 1.5 hour bus ride from the MoBay airport to Hedo can be an uncomfortable experience, as there are no restrooms on the way. Of course, the time it takes to travel depends on where you live, and for some people it may be easier (and cheaper) to travel to Jamaica.
CHECK-IN
At Desire, you are greeted with a warm smile and a glass of champagne. You are shown a map of the resort, handed a list of activities, and led to your room in a timely manner.
At Hedo, we arrived after a VERY long day of travel, hungry and overheated in our winter clothing. We got our room assignment from the front desk, and after waiting for 10-15 minutes, we gave up waiting for someone to help us with our bags. I took our bags and ventured out into the darkness to locate our room. It took awhile, as the room numbers are laid out in a way that can be confusing to a newbie, but we eventually settled in. Without a map of the resort, we had no idea where anything is, but we eventually found enough friendly people to point us in the right direction.
THE ROOM
At Desire, the rooms are clean and (relatively) recently renovated. The bathrooms are (relatively) roomy, the bed is extremely comfy, the in-room fridge is stocked with bottled water, beer and soda, there are plenty of towels, and bathrobes are supplied. You can have food or drinks delivered to your room at any time, and the maids and front desk are always very attentive. And although you have to pay for wifi in your room, there are areas of the resort where it is free.
At Hedo, the rooms are furnished like a college apartment, but without the mini-fridge. Most of the furnishings are cracked, stained or worn. The towels are stained (even when replaced with new ones.) The bed is extremely hard, like sleeping on the floor. There are only two pillows, and the bathroom is so cramped that it’s difficult to get in and out of the shower. Wifi access is $65 for 5 days, which seems like unnecessary price gouging. (You are also limited to one device when connecting.) When we checked in, our phone didn’t work, and we didn’t have a “do not disturb” sign or a water pitcher. We trekked down to the front desk to ask them about these things, and we eventually received our “do not disturb” sign the next day. A technician didn’t show up to fix our phone until the 5th day of our trip. He picked up the phone, pushed a few buttons, and declared that the phone was fixed. But it wasn’t. And we never did get our water pitcher. We also had an ant problem in the bathroom, but nothing major. On the plus side, the bedroom has a mirror on the ceiling, which can be fun. :-)
THE BEACH/POOL/HOT TUB
The pool at Desire is usually pretty cool in November, so not a lot of people use it. Most of the people at the pool simply lounge around on chairs or love beds, reading, chatting and/or drinking. (And there is a very friendly waitress who walks around delivering drinks.) About half the resort spends their time at the beach, lounging on the rows of beach beds. There is a station set up to reserve a chair by the pool or a bed on the beach, and you can also get as many towels as you’d like at this station. In fact, towels are available throughout the entire resort: in the rooms, at the beach, at the pool, in the playroom, etc..
The Desire staff plays games at the pool at various points each day, which gives you something to do, even if you do nothing more than watch. The hot tub is closed until about 1:30pm, and it doesn’t really get hopping until around 4:00-5:00. There are plenty of towels available here as well, and more beach beds and chairs surround the hot tub area. There is hardly any beach at Desire to speak of. In fact, it is barely large enough to accommodate the beds. And people from other resorts will walk in front of the beds, practically close enough to touch, to gawk at all the naked people.
The beach at Hedo is much, MUCH better. There is plenty of sand, plenty of chairs, plenty of shade, and decent barbeque-style food. Games are usually played at the beach instead of the pool. Guests are allowed only one towel each throughout their stay. You are given a card at check-in, which you can redeem for a towel. You can then exchange a towel for another towel. (Unless the resort runs out of towels…which actually happened one day.) WARNING: at the end of your trip, if you haven’t redeemed your towels for cards, you will be charged $40 ($20 each) on your final room bill!
The pool at Hedo is much warmer than Desire’s. Of course, Jamaica is much warmer (and more humid) than Cancun. In fact, it was so hot, it seemed as though the shady side of the pool was the only comfortable place to be! The Hedo (nude) pool is much better than Desire’s, in that there is a swim-up bar, tables and seats, and plenty of shade. We were able to secure a couple of pool chairs on our first day, but soon realized we didn’t need one, as it was simply too hot to lay out for very long. The socializing in the pool peaks at around 5:00. As soon as the sun goes down, people begin moving to the hot tub, or back to their rooms or the dining areas.
THE STAFF
This is probably the biggest difference we noticed between Desire and Hedo. At Desire, the entire staff – from the room attendants, to the waiters, to the bartenders, to the chefs – goes out of their way to make you feel welcome. The room attendants make little animals out of your towels, and if you leave clothing on the bed, they will arrange them in funny ways. The waiters will chat with you and ensure that you have everything you need to be comfortable. The bartenders will not only remember what you drink, but they will refill your glass before you even ask for it. (I’ve even seen bartenders leave the bar to deliver drinks without being asked.) The chefs are always friendly and will chat with you as they cook. When you are in Desire, you genuinely feel as though the staff is grateful for your business, take pride in their work, and care about the quality of your vacation.
In Hedo, the waiters and waitresses at the buffet and restaurants are very friendly, helpful and accommodating. But the bartenders – particularly at the nude pool’s wet bar – are downright surly. With the exceptions of Delroy and a couple others whose names I’ve forgotten, they all acted as though doing their jobs was a huge inconvenience. Even when the bar was practically empty, I felt like I was imposing on them. I’m a very undemanding customer to deal with, yet I felt like I was a nuisance just by ordering a simple drink. The bartenders greeted me with a scowl, gave me attitude when I asked to dump my old watered-down drink before filling it with a new one, and generally seemed to be agitated, as though they were being forced to work. I understand it can be a miserable job, working in the hot sun around a swarm of bees and a bunch of drunk people. But really? Is it that awful working in paradise around a bunch of fun and friendly naked people? I can certainly think of worse jobs in the world.
THE DRINKS
This brings me to my next pain point. Normally, I’m a beer drinker. When I drink the hard stuff, I like rum – particularly Captain Morgan’s. I never have a problem ordering drinks at Desire, as they have a decent beer (Dos Equis) on tap, and they carry Captain’s and make tons of other tasty tropical drinks that taste great when lying around in the sun.
But I can’t stand Red Stripe beer, and that’s the only beer they serve at Hedo. No problem, I love rum, and Jamaica is supposed to be famous for its rum. Unfortunately, Hedo only carries Appleton rum, which tastes awful to me. I suppose it’s an acquired taste, as I spoke to others at the resort who love it. Not only does Hedo not carry Captain’s, but they don’t even have Bacardi. So that leaves vodka, which tends to leave me with a massive headache. Not a huge issue, but just another one of the “sacrifices” we had to make at Hedo.
Unfortunately, one day they ran out of vodka. I’m not talking about the nude bar – I’m talking about the entire resort! Which forced me to drink Appleton rum. Blech. It was one of several things the entire resort ran out of during our stay. In just one five-day span, at various times the entire resort ran out of towels, vodka, ham and Sprite. Seriously.
THE FOOD
Okay…now, I know that no one goes to Hedo for the food. I’ve read it 1,000 times. And that’s a good thing. Because if Hedo were a restaurant, I would NEVER eat there.
Just as a preface, neither my wife nor I are picky eaters. We usually take the family to chain restaurants like Chili’s or Outback, and we enjoy most types of food. But we found very little food at Hedo that we enjoyed even remotely. We heard raves about the jerk chicken at the beach party, but the piece I had was filled with sharp bones from the way they butchered it. The burgers were decent (for frozen patties), and the omelets were good. But most of the food tasted like the type of cuisine you’d find in a hospital cafeteria. For $400/night, you expect a little better quality.
I personally liked the Japanese restaurant, but it made my wife sick. And I was really disappointed with the Italian restaurant, as we had heard really good things about it. But the Caesar salad was nothing more than a little lettuce and a blob of mayonnaise. The ravioli was so bland, it tasted like it came out of a can of Chef Boyardee. And the chicken penne was 11 penne noodles (I counted) and a tiny bits of chicken smaller than the size of a dime. We both had the steak as an entrée, and it was the best meal we had the entire week. But even that wasn’t something I would rave about.
In comparison, if Desire were a restaurant, we would eat there on a regular basis. Their two restaurants are high-quality, and the buffet normally includes a wide variety of tasty food. Of course, you’ll find plenty of people who complain about the Desire food, too, so it’s a VERY subjective matter.
THE PEOPLE
Okay, it seems like I've done a lot of knocking on Hedo, so I want to end on a positive note. As everyone knows, when it comes to Hedo/Desire type of resorts, it is the people you meet who determine the quality of your vacation. And the people we met at Hedo were quite simply the best.
Something about being naked all day, and having access to all-you-can-drink alcohol, seems to create a friendly and fun type of atmosphere you cannot find anywhere else. The people at Desire are equally friendly and fun. In our two stays at the resort, there were times at the hot tub where people simply mingled and chatted, other times where a few people in a group got a little crazy, and other times where the entire hot tub became one huge spring break party, featuring body shots, blowjob contests, drinking shots from a rubber chicken, squirting Baileys shots at naked breasts and taking turns licking them off, etc..
The people at Hedo were equal parts subdued and interesting, or wild and crazy, depending on the night and time of day. But there seemed to be more wild and crazy people than you’d find at Desire. Of course, we happened to be at Hedo during a takeover week, so that was likely a factor. The entire character of a crowd can change from week-to-week or even day-to-day, depending on who happens to be there on a given day. Throughout our 5-day stay, the people we encountered were consistently fun and friendly, wild and crazy.
PDA’S
At Desire, PDA’s are not allowed on the beach or at the pool, and you normally won’t see any action taking place at the hot tub before 4:00 or so. After the sun goes down, you’ll see a few BJ’s at the edge of the hot tub, and tons of action on the beds surrounding the hot tub. Other than that, PDA’s are rare outside of the hot tub – and the playroom, of course.
At Hedo, PDA’s were almost constant, and took place almost everywhere: at the pool during the day, evening and night, at the hot tub almost constantly, in the hammocks, outside of the disco, on the pool tables, outside of the buffet area at night, etc., etc., etc.. Again, it may be simply a function of the week we chose, but in our brief experience there was no comparison.
COMING HOME
We forked over the $30/pp for Club MoBay at the airport, as we had four hours to kill before our flight. It was worth every penny. They have comfortable chairs and free drinks (served by non-surly waitresses!) They provide finger food, and allowed us to order lunch from a restaurant upstairs. They have wifi access (the only area of the airport with wifi), bathrooms and even a shower area. It was worth every penny, and a great way to wrap up our time in Jamaica.
I hope this long and rambling review was helpful to someone. We had plenty of people at Hedo asking us about Desire, so I figure the interest level is there. In the end, just as we decided, the best way to discover the difference is to experience it yourself. But hopefully, this trip report will set expectations appropriately.
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Originally Posted by pornstar1360
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