Wow, where to begin? Wait, I know watch your step! Seriously, everywhere you go be very careful how you walk. The fact that I did not bust my ass is an absolute miracle. Ok, on with my report.
Travel: Tuesday- Absolute pain in the ass. Our plane left out at 6am from Houston and arrived in Miami around 9am. We proceeded to get our coffee and sit on our ass till our 11:50am flight. Well, short story shorter, we left at 1:30pm and arrived at MBJ around 2pm. We then proceed to stand in a long ass line to have our passports checked-hint have your paper they give on the airplane completely filled out, front and back, it will save you time in line. After a little over an hour we get through customs and make our way to the Superclubs desk where we are quickly shuttled to a bus that leaves out about 3:30. Now the fun begins as we are off to H3. With only 3 others on the bus we make 1 stop at the Starfish resort where a couple gets out (not a friendly couple by the way). I then requested the driver take us straight there as we did not need a beer stop, just to finally make it to the resort. We finally arrived to our Poolfront, Quad room# 114 @ 4:45pm. Whewww long day of travel (wait till our ride home-later)
Day 1-5: This is where my trip becomes one giant blur of days. I literally think everything went by so fast that it all happened in 1 moment in time. After unpacking a few things out of our suitcase Allison and I proceeded to find our way to the nude pool. We finally arrived(Tuesday afternoon) and stood outside the entrance for a couple of minutes. We finally said "fuck it" and went in dropped our clothes and made our way into the water. The water was freaking cold and it took all we had to wade in and sit down at the bar. We ordered a few drinks, looked around for CopNkitten and others and noticed nobody. After a few minutes a nice couple came and sat next to us and introduced themselves (Mary & Roland) and it was a snowball effect from there. We hung out, had drinks, they then made some room for us in the hotub and that is when we noticed CopNkitten(Paul & Joan) ordering some drinks at the bar. After months of chatting, posting, etc... we finally got to meet the people who had been so cool to us whenever we chatted with them. So more drinks followed and then we have dinner reservations already made for us at Pastafari. After our first shower useage (literally ) I stepped out of the tub and almost slipped on the wooden step that seems way to far down for being a step. I then realized that the floor of the entire room gets nice and slick-again-watch your step. Off to dinner we go, had the prime rib (very good) and then hit the piano bar. We listened to some people try and sing and then went to the disco, immediatly turned around and hit the nude waterslide (I think). Then off to the beds for some late night fun and then off to sleep around 2:30. Then next day involved more drinking at the nude pool and enjoyed my first round of nachos cooked bythe talented chef at the nude bar. More friends arrive and we continue the party and the rain starts so everyone piles into the hot tub. the day is a blur from there until the evening when we go back to Pastafari and I enjoy the bacon wrapped something(I think this was good too) This being fetish night I went and dressed in my fishnet undies with a tunnel for my thang to hang and a slit for my long balls to drop through and proceeded to the main bar for drinks and then off to the piano bar again and then off to beds and then to sleep again around 2:30. Thursday was blurry for real, it rained all day so I believe we spent the day in the Quad hot tub and had a blast-Hint-if you are hanging out here find someone with a bottom level room like we had because it will be needed as the community bathroom because we have no idea where it really is. This hot tub is also where we met our wonderful Kentucky friends who were just beautiful people inside and out. Back to the nude pool for more drinking and tequila shots-not a good idea as I got trashed, it got late, we had not figred out our togas we bought and went to dinner at Munasan(awesome by the way) and then hit the piano bar, nude slide and then back to the hot tub for more drinking ( I have been told) I then passed out around 430 and woke up Friday feeling like shit. Tried to enjoy a bad ass omelete(they really are as good as everyone says) and proceeded to drink lots of water while hanging out at the nude beach. We had massages scheduled at 2 and I was still feeling like shit but the massage helped(recommended). We then hit the Quad hot tub again where my buddy Paul gave me a beer and I instantly started feeling good again (HAIR OF THE DOG WORKS EVERYTIME). Friday night was Naughty Nurse Night for our crew and man were the ladies smoking hottt. I became Doc Spread'em and we put on a show at the piano bar. We had people leave the disco because they saw some nurses dancing on the bar and by the time they arrived they got to see my show of mooning the crowd and doing my infamous "ball slap". Went down the waterslide again, hit the nude pool and then the beds and off to sleep again around 430. Saturday(our last full day) was absolutely gorgeous. We spent the entire day at the nude pool, soaking in the sun, playing volleyball (lost my wedding ring duing the game but everyone was soooo nice that they stopped the game and scoured the floor, we found it, and all is good, THANKS GUYS!) Watched the sunset and then got some at the pool as the waves crashed right behind us (it was beautiful in all sense of the word). Went to dinner at the main terrace for a bad ass buffett and then to the piano bar, nude waterslide (I flashed a celeb my junk, lol, one of many highlights of my trip,lol) and then back to the nude hot tub for more drinking and partying and then off to the beds and then off to sleep about 530. Sunday-our wakeup call was 8am and we got breakfast, took some pictures for the family, hit the expensive gift shop and got on our bus at 10am-
Travel home: Worst part of the trip. Left the resort at 10, got to the airport about 1120 for our 130 flight. Flew to Miami again and got in about 4, went through customs again and got some dinner and sat down to eat about 530. Our flight to Houston was scheduled to leave at 9 from gate D36. Well, about 845 I decided to go to the restroom and just happened to look at the board and noticed that our gate had been changed to E20 and that was about a 10 minute run away. So I take off running, like the people you see sometimes, I became one of them and left my wife behind(she told me too). I get to gate E20 about 855 and see the flight has been changed to 915. We were all clear so i start backwards to get my wife and she is huffing and puffing and freaked out and about to puke form the crosstown journey we embarked. We get on the plane about 920 and and then the captain says we have too much fuel and we need to dump some, well, to wrap this up we did not leave until 1045 for a 9 o'clock flight that we alsmost missed. Got to my house at 1250am and said hi to my son and passed out about 2. End of trip set in and has not left!
That is what my sunglasses would say if they could speak!
Overall:
Travel- sucked-will never do connecting flight if I dont have to.
Food- EXCELLENT, hell everything I ate I enjoyed. We never made dinner plans as all the great people we met already had us locked in. I do suggest the nude pool nachos and the breakfast omelets.
Rooms-comfy, place to sleep. The floors do get slick so Allison and figured that if we close the bathroom door and leave the window open that is a lot better for the room itself, plus it makes great PDA for everyone else. I even got a high five from 1 of my KFC peeps while Thats a good memory!
A/C & Water-Worked great, blew cold, no leaks- Hot water everytime but 1 morning-zero complaints!
Weather- Rainy for the most part but made for more close knits communication-wouldnt change a thing.
PDA's- Saw some here and there, created my own as well. Heard about some crazy stuff, experienced plenty myself. We did get the sex police called on us once and that was weird but I guess they do have some rulles about BJ's at 3pm.
People- I saved the best for last. The PEOPLE are what makes this place the most fun. I met more wonderful people in 5 days than I have in 29 years. People that I would not think would acknowledge my existence became great friends. I had to throw all sterotypes out the door within 30 minutes of being in the pool. I am going to list below(first names only) the following people who made my experience one to never forget.
Allison(my wife)-you became the beauty to the world as I have known for years and I thank you for letting yourself go and enjoying all that we did
Paul & Joan-Thank you guys for welcoming us rookies the way you did and we are forever thankful for showing us around and making us feel like we truly did belong-see you guys soon.
Jim & Dawn-You guys are great and we are soo glad we got to meet yall, Dawn you are looking great and keep up all your hard work you have done to be who you are-see you guys soon as well. (go Flyers)
Brian & Leia-Jingle bells, Jingle bells.....Thanks for the friendship we created. See you guys in November-Renfest (hopefully)
Dave & Paige-Our KFC fine folks. You are beautiful people and you guys rock!
Craig-Lone wolf-hope all is well bro, nice to meet you!
Rusty-You got a heck of a voice and we hope you enjoyed our presence as much as we enjoyed yours.
Fred & Angel- What can I say, it was short and sweet but the memories will last a lifetime. Spaghetti anyone?
Anyone else we forgot, you are in my memories forever and we will cross paths again one day.
Time to wrap this up- Hedo 3 rocks and we will return.
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