Making Rules & What Ifs...

[Kelley]

We will be making our first trip to Hedo this August. It is unfortunate that the first thread we read on here is about rules. We have been in the lifestyle long enough to know there are two types of people: pretenders and players.

The pretenders are the plastic women that change clothes fifteen times a night. Looking for attention she heads to the dance floor with another of her kind while her dumpy significant other chats with other dumpy significant others about his boat, his beamer or how much money he has in the bank. Don't think about approaching the plastic babe because they have rules. She performs, he watches. She does him because no one else will....

Then you have the players. The people with sensible expectations. The people that go to have a good time with each other and others. We hope those are the kind of folks we meet at Hedo.

Why unfortunate? JAnewbies originally started this thread about the newbies education on "rules and what-if's". Specifically about items, topics and situations that a single newbie, couples, or groups may encounter while vacationing @ H2/H3. Since you say you are in the lifestyle, you aren't really a newbie, are you? You're already physically, mentally and emotionally prepared for Hedo.
A newbie to hedo, in general, is usually not prepared for ALL unforseen circumstances that may arise. This thread originally meant to give examples and reasons on how to conduct yourself, how to be aware of certain lifestyles that may differ from your own, and how to respond and act in kind.

if anyone needs the rules stated, here's the only 2 that matter @ Hedo,,,,,,

Rule # 1 - Have fun
Rule #2 - Be nice

Those are the only "rules" anyone need be concerned with. Period. You can mix them up, if you want.



This thread has taken several detours, but I have included JAnewbie's original post below in the hope that any newbies who have concerns, questions, ETC, that they can not only start their own posting and ask their question, but also can come to this thread and possibly find the answer they're looking for. If it isn't already answered somewhere, someone will step up and answer it again, to the best of their experience and knowledge.

I was prompted to create this thread by some of our newbies and I think it's a great idea.

To enlighten the newbies (as much as possible) about the exciting possibilities and situations that Hedo can offer, let's discuss pre-trip discussions that need to had with your mates about what may come up and how to handle it.

I will start with a few examples (very basic I might add) and everyone jump in with questions, comments and additions of their own.

This thread will be a great way to ask "what if" and "what about" and "how to" and so forth.

Let's start with this:

BEFORE getting to Hedo, I don't suggest a huge set of rules like some do. I think it's better to have a small list of "not-to-do's"... Because you can never really know what is going to come up. I like to suggest the "take it as it comes" technique, with pre-trip limits set, so that anything "up to" a certain point is OK with you and your mate.

Example #1: You may be wanting to play around with another couple, but neither you, or your mate is OK with either of you having full intercourse with another person. Your agreed limits for each other may be that kissing, oral and hands are OK, but inercourse is off limits. "A" and I are not swingers, but I believe this is refered to as a "soft swap."

Example #2: You may also have a requirement that any "action" must take place when you and your mate are together. Sounds simple, but this means that you don't so much as grab a boob, or an ass cheek (lol)... unless your mate is with you.

The fact is, you can't talk everything out before you go, because you don't know what's going to come up, but you can certainly have concrete rules about absolute limits that keep you both from ever having to say "I had no idea that was a no no."

Nothing at all may come up, or you may be faced with decisions 2-4 times a day. It all depends on the crowd.

[JAnewbies]

SexyEncounters... Opinion respected and appreciated. I think this drift of thread, occurred after I said we go to Hedo, or participate in the lifestyle to cure boredom, or dissatisfaction. Like I mentioned before, the situation is the same, I just could have used softer words.

My point was that at the very root of all changes, somebody has to want something better, to even bother changing it. Or, at the very least, they must think it "can" be better.

If you believe in the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" theory, then why are we fixing things? Better put, why are we "remodeling" things? To improve them, that's why.

This just way too heavy, over a very light point. It was my bad for extending this debate's life as long as I have.

[Keep it Real]

JAnewbies point seems pretty clear. We get bored with something, so we spice it up. Getting bored with something is not the kiss of death. JAnewbies hasn't said anybody got bored with someone. He said bored with something. Big difference.

I could eventually get bored with 100 sex slaves at my feet. I may want to add a few, or take some away. Probably add though lol.

[SexyEncounters]

JA,We do respect your opinions as well but I think and this is just my opinion is that the reason everyone is on you is because,Lifestylers Swingers whatever you wish to call it mainly are not looking for BETTER,we are quite happy with what we have or most are anyway...It is Different that we seek, the words Better ,Boredom,DisSatisfaction have absoulutely nothing to do with it!! Nothing at all,now this being said there are some that do get into the swinging lifestyle for that reason and soon find out all they have found is a fast track to divorce,but for the majority of long time lifestylers is its simply something different..But whatever words you use to justify whether you do or don't doesn't really matter,Why..Because as Adults in a free world you don't have to justify anything to anyone but each other,So please enjoy all,cause in 30 days I know we will

[JAnewbies]

I am going to throw in a few facts. This is not to "PC" up my posts either (lol)...

Without ever hearing specifically from anyone "IN" the lifestyle, unless it is a "bad" and "non-typical" situation, I assume ALL the following to be the case:

A great sense of trust
A great love of one another
Much respect and admration
A wonderful sex life between each other
A better sexual experience with each other... than with others (in most cases).

I envy those in the lifestyle, just as I do those with more money than me, those with a nicer car than me, those with a more fun job than me and so on. I am not critical for one second of those in the lifestyle. I have nothing negative to say. I wish I could do it, just like I wish I had more money and a better job. I just have my mental limits and can't.

Some would say that there is not enough trust in my relationship and that's why I can't do it. Some would say that I am too jealous, possesive, old fashioned, or whatever. All I know is that I can't.

I need everyone to realize that I have ZERO negative to say about those in the lifestyle, how they got in it, or why they stay, or leave.

I guess I was just making a point, about 50 points ago (lol)... that we as humans get bored with repetition, familiarity, and just the same old, same old. THIS IS NOT AN INSULT. I never said we don't like the same old, same old, I just said we seek to improve it, when we get bored with it.

Bored and dissatisfied can be as big as being trapped in an elevator for 18 hours, but it can also be as small as having to stand in line for an 15 extra seconds while the person in front digs for exact change in their pocket.

I think everyone took the word "bored" as a stab at how they feel about their partner, or an indication that I was implying they were bored with their partner. I never did that, but if my words were taken that way... then an uproar would be the result.

I am bored, or dissatisfied with the way my wife does some things, but that is completely different than being bored, or dissatisfied with my wife.

I may be bored, or dissatisfied watching TV with her 4 Saturday nights in a row, so I say we have got to get out of the house and go for some drinks, or something. That doesn't mean I don't like watching TV with her, it just means I need to do something more fun every now and then.

Why is there a doggie style sex position??? Cause someone got bored with missionary. Why do we have anal sex??? Cause someone got bored with pussy and decided to put it there the next time around. Nobody gave up pussy, or missionary, but boredom led to doggie and anal.

Boredom can lead to doggie, anal, 3somes and swapping. All sound like improvements to me.

[Debra]

JA, you have been descibing your position over and over and over. Give it a rest. We all get what you meant by bored. Some of us agree with you and some don't. You don't need to jump in and reiterate what you have already clarified after every opposing opinion is posted. Yes, some people are taking your words out of context and yes, some are putting words in your mouth but they aren't likely to change their opinion by reading (yet again) your position. And the rest of us can remember your actually position without having to reread it after EVERY rebuttal.

[Moorerotic]

We will be making our first trip to Hedo this August. It is unfortunate that the first thread we read on here is about rules. We have been in the lifestyle long enough to know there are two types of people: pretenders and players.

The pretenders are the plastic women that change clothes fifteen times a night. Looking for attention she heads to the dance floor with another of her kind while her dumpy significant other chats with other dumpy significant others about his boat, his beamer or how much money he has in the bank. Don't think about approaching the plastic babe because they have rules. She performs, he watches. She does him because no one else will....

Then you have the players. The people with sensible expectations. The people that go to have a good time with each other and others. We hope those are the kind of folks we meet at Hedo.

Now that's thinking with your dipstick!

This is one of the finest most straight to the point posts I've ever read on this forum. Thank you.

As far as finding players goes:

Hedo is like every other place in the world, kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, job, the mall, or the swinger club. Hedo visitors aren't vetted to make sure that they're all players. You still have to put in the work to separate the players from the pretenders, monogamous folks, pure nudist only folks, just want a vacation without kids folks, etc., etc.

[JAnewbies]

JA, you have been descibing your position over and over and over. Give it a rest. We all get what you meant by bored. Some of us agree with you and some don't. You don't need to jump in and reiterate what you have already clarified after every opposing opinion is posted. Yes, some people are taking your words out of context and yes, some are putting words in your mouth but they aren't likely to change their opinion by reading (yet again) your position. And the rest of us can remember your actually position without having to reread it after EVERY rebuttal.

So what exactly are you trying to say (lol)...

OK, I will shhhh now, but THEY were doing it too (lol)...

[Moorerotic]

Why is there a doggie style sex position??? Cause someone got bored with missionary. Why do we have anal sex??? Cause someone got bored with pussy and decided to put it there the next time around. Nobody gave up pussy, or missionary, but boredom led to doggie and anal.

Boredom can lead to doggie, anal, 3somes and swapping. All sound like improvements to me.

JA, I know this just one of your crazy nonsense examples, but I haven't screwed with you in a long while, little brother.

I'm quite sure that doggie style sex came TENS OF THOUSANDS of years before missionary. It's called missionary because Catholic Missionaries forced it on those doggie style loving Native Americans post-Columbus. Dogs have existed in this world long before Missionaries.

In early humanity, the most dominant males surely had access to multiple females, and many non-dominant males had access only to other non-dominant males. It was definitely not a one to one pairing and there were a lot fewer people and they died quite young. Therefore anal sex and in the doggie style position as well.

Also in an earlier post (probably on a different thread), you implied that breast implants were invented because someone wanted to see more big breasts. I'm quite sure that breast implants were invented to repair the damage from breast cancer treatment, and other uses came later.

[bakedslightly]

JA...I really thought I was agreeing with you...heh heh

Moorerotic....you are one of my very favorite posters...but I'm pretty sure in my former lives I was still on top!!

[Moorerotic]

bakedslightly

I remember you. It was 74 B.C. Rome. I was a gladiator, you were a groupie, with mad skills. Unfortunately I got my head cut off later that day.

You still got those mean moves?

[Looshia]

We are in the lifestyle and our major rule is: we only play together and we don't take one for the team.
We will only participate if both of us are into it.

[JAnewbies]

JA, I know this just one of your crazy nonsense examples, but I haven't screwed with you in a long while, little brother.

I'm quite sure that doggie style sex came TENS OF THOUSANDS of years before missionary. It's called missionary because Catholic Missionaries forced it on those doggie style loving Native Americans post-Columbus. Dogs have existed in this world long before Missionaries.

In early humanity, the most dominant males surely had access to multiple females, and many non-dominant males had access only to other non-dominant males. It was definitely not a one to one pairing and there were a lot fewer people and they died quite young. Therefore anal sex and in the doggie style position as well.

Also in an earlier post (probably on a different thread), you implied that breast implants were invented because someone wanted to see more big breasts. I'm quite sure that breast implants were invented to repair the damage from breast cancer treatment, and other uses came later.

Hey moore... sup...

Sometimes you just need to appreciate the analogy for the analogy. I imagine anything I ever say is a huge target
for disection and disassembly (lol)...

[bakedslightly]

Gee...thanks for remembering...must be that thing I do with my thumbs....

not as nimble now days, but try to make up for it with imagination and initiative.. :0)

[55chevy]

As I stated before "bored" was the word that fired everybody up. It is this political correctness thing again. If JA had said, people decided to become swingers because they wanted to enhance their sexuality or improve on a great thing, well it would have flown over without a hitch.

JA, I'm glad you did not use the word homosexuality in place of lifestyle or swingers, because you would have been strung up by the PC people, or to be politically correct, you would have been crucified.

I think JA was taken out of context. Basically, he said we do different things when we get bored with our usual ways - correct???. That is a form of boredom rather you guys want to admit it or not. It is not a bad choice of words IMO, unless you are a graduate of Political Correctness 101, because I understand that being bored can be about something, and not necessarily somebody. And that being bored is not a bad thing.
People can and quite often do take things way too personal.
Political correctness is a huge problem in our everday lives - the sheer amount of posts and direction this thread has taken is perfect proof. We have taken too many common words and gave them a newer, softer, edge because , IMO , I think we have have become this "it's all about me, my feelings, my want to feel good crap". OOPs, I did it again. Sorry PC guys.

It's five o'clock somewhere.