Polar Bear's Trip Report
March 14th - March 21st 2009
DAY 1 - SATURDAY
12:50 on the plane, Somewhere between Memphis and Mo Bay.
I must be drunk, I'm trying to calculate how much it would cost to
buy a round for all passengers...Maybe I should stop listening to
what the voices in my head say when I drink red wine.
Lesson Learned Saturday:
1. Four glasses of red wine on a plane make me REALLY happy.
2. Immigration papers take longer when your drunk.
3. Red Stripe tastes better while youre looking at the ocean.
4. In your rush to get naked by the pool,dont forget to put on sunscreen.
DAY 2 - SUNDAY
Breakfast with A&A. You really can't get a better view for breakfast than the
ocean and the mountains in the background. I love Jamaica, what a beautiful
place!
Back to the room to get our pool necessities. Meeting A&A and K&J for an afternoon
of Lounge Lizard by the nude pool.Since I'm A.D.D., I got up after a while
and wandered the resort a few times.I played on the boardwalk and tried to
catch crabs (The sea creature, not the STD) LOL! Then back to the pool to
evenly toast both sides. Still looking for a few people. I keep going
to the desk and asking. WTF? Where are they?
Played volleyball for about 2 hours in the Quad. I forgot to make
Lee my cabana boy. Gotta fix that tomorrow. Lee is funny as hell, and
His wife, R, is really friendly and personable. Great couple!
Talked for a while with Bob and Patti. What a great host and hostess!
They are the organizers for the Sun Coast Swingers Club, and March Madness.
If you ever book with them, youre in for a trip of great friends and great times.
Pimp and Ho Night! Not much participation, kinda surprised by this.
Nobody here has any clothes to dress like a ho? REALLY? I was the Ho,
with D and K as my Co-Pimps. K, you are a one woman Entertainment Committee! LOL
J, I love how you just watch her with a smirk on your face. It's the quiet ones
you always have to watch out for... The Co-Pimp in red (my honey) and I wandered
off for some fun in a beach chair. The little tower that looks out over the
ocean by the sand volleyball court, I highly recommend the spot. A couple walked
by and hung out to watch the show. Why the hell haven't we been here sooner?
Lesson Learned Sunday:
1. It's difficult to describe people when everyone is naked. "The guy with the blue
cup" really doesnt help.
2. Touching yourself before you serve the volleyball gives you a better chance that
that the guys won't be able to hit the ball. Lee, you're hilarious.
DAY 3 - MONDAY
Shannon got here today, but John is still missing. Asked again, the front desk is
going to think I'm stalking him. Spent most of the afternoon in the pool drinking with D&B.
Some couples were meant for each other. B, you're just the woman to give him hell.
Keep up the great work! :-) W&C and A&K got here today. OMG they are fun!
Pirate night was a B L A S T! D,D,W & B dressed like the Village People. You
gotta love a group of guys who make up their own theme night. The Hedo Village People
are much sexier than the original ones! W became the self appointed entertainment leader
and was workin the loin cloth! You go boy!
Lesson Learned Monday:
1. Don't hesitate to tell someone "NO" A creeper extinguished quickly is a good thing.
Just because I said "Hi" to you doesn't mean I want to fuck you. Ease up there
little guy, keep trolling the bar and maybe you can separate a weak one from the
rest of the herd. F.Y.I. - You must be this tall to ride this ride... And by the way,
single guys get a bad rap. The worst creepers were the married couples who
would not leave me alone. If they spend half as much energy on each other as they
did trying to talk me into things, they probably would have had a better vacation.
The single guys we met were very fun and were not rude at all.
DAY 4 - Tuesday
Lots of lessons learned today!
Lessons Learned Tuesday:
1. Going down the waterslide is like being shot out of a cannon. It's a 40 mph douche.
2. Sunscreen in your eyes hurts like a bitch.
3. I was WAY TOO WORRIED about the Zip Line Tour. THanks to A&A it was awesome!
4. If it feels nice, do it twice :-)
DAY 5 - Wednesday
Today was a lazy day, drinking by the pool with W&C and A&K. Back to the room at 2:30
to get ready for A&K's wedding at 4:00. (I never had to sober up for a wedding before, LOL)
The bride was beautiful, as she always is! The groom on the other hand, was a pepto shooting,
sweaty, shaking ball of nerves. Thanks for the invite! After an hour or so of being
clothed and somewhat responsible( I video taped the wedding), we headed back to the
Quad pool.
It was fetish night! WOO HOO! What's better than a sex toy? A Home Depot apron and a
tool belt full of sex toys! "I help in all departments" LOL
Lesson Learned Wednesday:
1. Get separated from your friends, they are hard as hell to find. But a stalker can
appear and be in your face every 30 seconds. It's Day 5, If I haven't found you
sexy enough to fuck by now, you should really move on.
DAY 6 - Thursday
The front desk doesnt have enough paper for me to write down everything that happened today.
Breakfast, then lounging by the pool with A&K, A&A, W&C until it was time to leave for
the Wet N Wild Nude Cruise. Absolutely the best money I have ever spent for entertainment.
We cruised the coast line, waving at other tourists that obviously didn't know a
boat full of naked drunks was going to float by them. The captain announced it was time
to party, and there were no rules. W gets the award for quickest naked all week. I have
images from that cruise that will be burned in my brain for the rest of my life -
HOLY SHIT! I will never see a peeled banana the same way, or a Rum Runner. Hey W, REALLY?
I got licked head head to toe by a French-Canadian at lunch today. This was part of the games
played on stage during lunch, so dinner games should be very interesting.....
Toga Night! Big Fun! Small Togas! My honey had a tent in his toga most of the night, LOL!
Met B&M from Kentucky today in the disco, he is funny as hell. After all, No Guts, No Glory!
Be careful of gravity when you drink, that shit will pull you down on the floor if youre not
ready for it!
Lessons Learned Thursday:
1. Rum is not a lubricant
2. Your dick is not a swizzle stick
3. Real porn is not pretty
4. Never wear heels in the hot tub
5. Strap ons should be for women to use, unfortunately not always the case.
6. "that will clump you up" That W, he's just chocked full of wisdom.
DAY 7 - Friday
Up early again to drink coffee with the group and piece together the events of the night
before. It's out last day, so we are going to marinate in the pool all day. BTW Lee's
dick is still following people around in the pool, even though he has been gone for days.
Drinks and beer flowed all day in the hot Jamaican sun. I passed out 5 Hour Energy
shots at about 5PM. What's funnier than a bunch of naked drunks? A bunch of naked drunks
when the 5 Hour Energy kicks in! Dinner with W&C, D&J, B&J. Festive! Then back to
the bar to meet up with A&A, B&M and A&J and a quick stagger up to the piano bar.
Of course my honey couldnt miss the opportunity to take some pics while all of the girls
danced on the bar! After a fun night of dirty sing along songs, we headed back to
the Quad pool to laugh and hang out. We had a curb side seat to the freak parade (LOL)
That was an event stuffed full of crazy. Mr.K decided that he was going to be inconspicuous
and steal the ash tray from the busy people in the hot tub. That little show may be the
funniest thing he did all week. We all went to the bar for a night cap in the nude hot tub.
back to the room by 2:30, packed stuff until 3:30. Gotta go back tomorrow, BOO HOO!
Lessons Learned Friday:
1. It's amazing how many times you can hear the phrase "chin music" in one day and it's
still funny. YOU GO D! They were just jealous!
2. When you show K your personal porn pics from the room, you can make him spit his
drink all the way over the bar. LOL! I don't think he was prepared for that...
DAY 8 - Saturday, The Return Home
Smooth and uneventful. For you Newbies reading this, I'm going to quote my new good
friend Bob. Hedo is the great equalizer. "No matter how good you look, there is someone
who looks better. No matter how bad you look, someone looks worse" So suck it up, and
get your chicken ass out to the nude side right away. Bob and Patty couldn't have been
any nicer if we were in their own home. Even though we were not a member of their club,
they welcomed us with a gift/party bag and always stopped by to see
how our newbie trip was going. Great people, great couple, great Hedo neighbors.
We are going back next March. I hope to meet up again with all our new partners in crime.
Lesson Learned Saturday:
1. It's amazing how quick you can miss new friends.
2. Going through immigration is quicker than trying to get a fucking cheeseburger
at Wendy's in the Mo Bay Airport.
Bookmarks